MAY 9, 2019.

How do you know when it’s time to a call a friendship or relationship quits? I’m not sure that there is a right time, but I do believe that it’s a gut thing. It’s painful to let go of someone you love and move forward without them, but sometimes that’s exactly what you need.

Right now, it’s what I need. I’m in a season of defining relationships, testing loyalties, and building the support group that will support me as much as I support them. But it’s so hard and so inexplicably painful. I ask myself, is it fair to walk away from someone after so many years? They tell me they have my back, but I just don’t believe them. So who do I trust? Do I trust their words or do I trust my gut instincts? I think I know the answer, but it’s the more painful road to take.

How do I walk away? What does that even look like? Should I have a conversation with them or just continue to distance myself like I’ve already been doing? What’s the right thing to do? Honestly, I don’t think their is a right thing to do in this sort of situation. I do know that I have to do what’s best for my mental and emotional well-being or this will continue to weigh heavily on me.

Should I even take the risk of walking away from someone, knowing that I may not be able to find another soul to connect with for a while? The thought of that loneliness is so overwhelming, but the freedom from this friendship is exactly what I need.

“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” Jeremiah 29:11

Last week I had a life altering moment with Jesus, and I’ve noticed such a huge change in my general disposition and outlook on life. I think that’s why this season and sense of urgency to redefine my life is hitting me so hard. I’ve realized that being real, raw, and vulnerable is the biggest show of internal strength and security, when up until very recently I believed that emotion was equivalent to weakness.

So as I sit here on my bedroom floor thinking thoughts and feeling feelings, I can’t help but feel the overwhelming peace of God in this room. It never ceases to amaze me how present he is in times of trouble. I don’t know what the future holds, but that doesn’t matter right now. I’m just going to sit here and enjoy the presence of God.

xoxo Han

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